Pendulum Swings

This is trip #8 for me and I enter this familiar and unpleasant pendulum swing in my gut every time I step into the packing mode.

The whole team has worked so hard--sacrificed, saved, prayed, and we know to our core that what we do on this trip allows us to dip our souls deeper into God's mercy and grace and love for the poor, those who lack access to so many of the things we would never think of doing without. So why is it, when I'm shopping for things to put in my suitcase, that 90% of my thoughts are about trying to cover every possible need/want for myself? Mints, gum, plenty of hand wipes, a travel coffee press, collapsable water bottle (coolest thing from Eddie Bauer!), cheetos, .... you name it, I'm packing it! Shopping for extra apps, songs, and movies for my iPad to entertain me during the two international flights and a 6 hr layover in Frankfurt. Then I grab pills for colds, pills to help me sleep, pills for headaches, and heart burn.... Preparation has swung to alleviating every possible discomfort, and is fueled by self-obsession and anxiety.

Then I look at the stack of "stuff" piled in my suitcase and think of those kids..... They sleep on a mat, probably in a one or two room house with several family members. They bathe using a small bucket of cold water. They put on their school uniform and it makes them feel a foot taller as they proudly walk to school. They don't have a backpack full of contingency supplies; theirs is full of opportunities in the form of notebooks and textbooks. Their smiles are contagious, their gratitude is overwhelming, and their need, from my perspective, is staggering. The pendulum swings...so I dump the suitcase and start over.